Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Randomize
