i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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