Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The beers last night were like the tears from god
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
