If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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