im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
