When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just found puke in my bra..
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
