At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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