Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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