oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
They took my balls.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
