Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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