So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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