my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
