What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
