no, he came in my armpit
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm passing your future prison.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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