I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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