i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize