I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Randomize
