I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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