Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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