White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
