I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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