420 ftw
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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