I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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