Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
