I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
