i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
