I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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