this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
