I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize