Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Sorry about my life...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
