Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
