we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
