You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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