i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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