he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
