My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
