if i can run in heels then i can drive
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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