I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
