Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
