New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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