if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
