Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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