yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
accomplished twins. life is a go
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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