Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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