"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
