Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
