guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
