I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
