i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
