wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Dear god my vagina.
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