Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
