genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
