the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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