I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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