She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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