why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
