While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
