I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
