he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
