I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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