you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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