Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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