oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
