Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
