Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
