wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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