Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
