I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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