so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
