No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
