He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
