I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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