So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
