WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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