our cab driver is having phone sex.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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