i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
