omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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