i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
is wine microwaveable?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
